“Steve, you’re an idiot.”
I’m no stranger to that phrase.
It used to get to me; burrowing deep under my skin, forcefully pushing that defensive personality to the surface. At that point all I wanted to do was drag someone else down with my newly deflated confidence. It usually resulted in some sort of ridiculous insult aimed back at the perpetrator that held no relevance to the conversation:
“At least I didn’t shit in the backyard and blame it on the dog.”
Huh?
Granted there is a large list of things I’ve done in the past that would warrant the remark “Steve you’re and idiot”. But when it comes to my goals or anything I’m passionate about, I do my best to let those four little words effortlessly drift in one ear and out the other. You’ll be amazed at what happens when you remember this simple piece of advice:
“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”
- Epictetus
Tensions ease, worries subside, and a peaceful calm gently falls over you – wait, I lapsed into a dream world; you still feel as any individual would after being told their idea is idiotic, ridiculous or farfetched: sad, angry, pissed or even disgruntled.
Then why the fuck do I want to be content with being thought foolish and stupid?!
Because it’s a subtle yet rapid change in your emotions.
It’s a new level of control.
It flies under the radar, subconsciously guiding your very next action:
You listen.
You feel the initial sting of disapproval, then quickly adjust your mindset. There is no backlash, no rebuttal, no placing blame on those who dropped a nice deuce in the flower bed.
The key element of change: a reduced desire to aggressively defend your position.
It’s a strange phenomenon when you stop to process what another individual has said instead of instantaneously looking to defend your idea. You automatically expand your level of understanding.
Epictetus, that crazy old Greek Stoic, was on to something. His advice plants the seed of a little flower known as self confidence. Self confidence is a tough commodity to come by these days, trust me, my waivers more than bi-polar schizophrenia (that would be a lot).
Maybe there is value in being thought foolish and stupid.
Trail Blazing Is a Fool’s Job
It’s an immutable law that anytime you strive to reach new heights or learn something new you will make mistakes. It’s the types of mistakes that you make that are important.
“All courses of action are risky, so prudence is not in avoiding danger (it’s impossible), but calculating risk and acting decisively. Make mistakes of ambition and not mistakes of sloth. Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer.”
- Niccolo Machiavelli
It is impossible not to fail.
The problem is that most people associate the risk of failure with how intelligent an idea is. It’s not always the case, but low risk is commonly associated with a good idea, and high risk a bad idea. That’s basically bullshit.
People, including you and I, see the world through our own personal lenses. When my lens focuses just a little differently than yours, it causes me to see the world from a different perspective. This perspective may be one that scares me, excites me, makes me sad, or bores me. Either way, my words, my tone, and my actions will project how I feel about a particular situation.
Let’s say you share with me one of your personal goals. If that goal scares me, more often than not my emotional reaction will be to project that fear onto you by expressing how ludicrous or idiotic I think the idea is; even talk about how ridiculously challenging that endeavor might be because deep down I fear the failure associated with the risk you are about to take.
That is when I think you are an idiot. That is when you should smile, because you are on the right path.
Why?
Because if your goal has purpose, if it means something to you, there is no one in this world who should tell you otherwise.
If You Want It, Go Get It
No one ever said it would be easy to pursue your dreams. But if your drive is strong enough anything is possible…
A good friend of mine, Parker, had the dream of becoming a Navy SEAL – not an easy task. SEAL training is well known as one of the most enduring mental and physical challenges anyone can undergo. Not to mention the time commitment – years of training. I’ll admit that I was skeptic at first and thought of it more as a pipe dream; the risk of failure was too high. The average pass rate of Navy SEAL training is about 20%, meaning 80% fail.
Parker graduated this March as part of Class 281. He was one of 54 that graduated out of a class that began with 171. He is now one of the most elite soldiers on this planet because of the personal drive, determination, and confidence in himself and his goals when others doubted.
Almost 2 full years of daunting physical and mental trials culminated in a dream come true. Passing out from exhaustion, yet refusing to quit during Hell Week is the drive and determination I’m talking about. I’m proud to say that not only is he a great friend, but he proved me wrong. I take pride in now being the one who looks like an idiot (told you I’m no stranger to that concept).
Where to Start: The 3 Keys to Being a Proud Idiot
Chances are you won’t wake up tomorrow and magically feel content with being viewed as an idiot. But if it’s a skill you truly desire to possess, it will take time to develop. Like all new skills that we learn, it will feel awkward, strange, and maybe even a little embarrassing when we don’t get it right at the very beginning.
Trust me, be patient.
Here are 3 keys that have helped me begin the process of shedding my inhibitions and accepting my distinguished role as an idiot:
1) Clearly define your goal. Specificity is imperative. Not so much the how you are going to reach your goal, but the why. The more you’ve thought about why you want to achieve your goal, the more attached you will become to it; you begin to own it. Ownership is a very powerful ally to have in this situation. The more you value your goal the more likely you are to push through during rough times.
2) Continually put yourself in uncomfortable situations. It may sound a little odd and frightening at first, but just like riding a bike, playing tennis, skiing, or learning a foreign language, the more you practice the better you become. Uncomfortable situations will soon become second nature. I strive to put myself in one uncomfortable situation every day. To start, make eye contact with strangers and don’t break it until they look away… just don’t get arrested for being a creeper.
3) Understand the other person’s perspective. When someone thinks you or your idea is idiotic, try to understand why they think that instead of immediately defending your position. I’ve said it before, it’s the ability to alter your perspective to achieve your goals.
It’s a start, a jumping off point. Each of us is different, so gravitate toward and experiment with the elements that resonate with you. Who knows, your idiotic ways may just turn into something big…
Danny Black (4’2”) is part-owner of Shortdwarf.com: a company that rents dwarfs as entertainment for $149 per hour. I don’t know if it gets much more unique than that. Who would have thought that a dwarf rental company would become a big success?
So, give this whole being content with being thought foolish and stupid thing a shot and see where it takes you. It’s just one more way to enjoy the journey.
What do you really have to lose?
Keep Drifting.
