Just Another Day at The Office, Depot

It just took me 17 minutes to choose which pens to buy.

That’s right, 17 minutes.  It’s not like I didn’t know exactly which pen I was looking for; I simply decided it would be a great time to peruse.

Though I spotted the Pentel R.S.V.P. black fine point 5-pack within 5 minutes of keenly browsing the massive pen selection at Office Depot, I felt as if I needed more.  Just a 5 pack of the same old pens didn’t feel like it was going to cut it this time.  Wouldn’t it be cool if I had just one unique pen that I wrote with only at my desk?

Abso-fucking-lutely is the answer I thought to myself.

That’s when I paid closer attention to this ink filled section of the store and pulled out my fine tooth comb… it was in my back pocket, I always have it on me for situations such as this one.

I didn’t know if you knew this, but there are roller pens, gel pens, ball point pens, and even specialty pens.  I quickly became overwhelmed with the sheer quantity of choices that lay before me.  What the hell was the difference anyway?

I had just acquired adult onset decision paralysis.  A shame too, at such a young age.

But wait, there was hope!

Thanks be to God they had a sample pad of sticky notes for you to try-before-you-buy.  The only problem I found is that each pack of pens was hermetically sealed; I might as well have been trying to break into Fort Knox…

Imagine a Mission Impossible style entry into a vault, but instead of gold there were pens.

Crazy, I know.  I repel from the ceiling in a completely badass black outfit that comfortably fits every contour of my body, ensuring an aerodynamic and sweat free entry into this forbidden territory.

Oh no!

The suit doesn’t cover my known-to-overly-perspire forehead!

As a single bead of sweat slowly creeps toward the tip of my nose, I freeze…

The drop falls.

Time slows to a speed that can only be measured in microseconds.  My brain stem fires off a chemical signal to trigger a motor neurological response – I try to move my hand really fucking fast.  Thanks to Tony Horton and P90X my reaction time is greater than most.  With only an inch remaining until the droplet strikes the floor and the alarm sounds…

I rescue the fallen drop in a cupped hand.

Thank you 7 lb 11 oz baby Jesus.

I immediately glance to my right and see and older woman staring at me with a rather perplexed look on her face.  Turns out I wasn’t in the Fort Knox of pens after all.  I was just lying face down on the floor of the local Office Depot with boxes of pens strewn across the ground next to me.

Shit.

I proceeded to pick myself off the floor in a nonchalant manner.

“Uh, seemed to have lost my contact underneath the display rack here, um, let me know if you happen to come across it, yeah?”

She didn’t buy it.  Damnit!  How did she know I don’t wear contacts?  Had she been spying on me this whole time?  She could bring this whole pen selection process to a screeching halt if she wanted to.  Should I neutralize her?

No, too risky.  They have cameras here on a closed circuit loop.  Let her pass this time Steve; you have bigger fish to fry.

At this point the damage had already been done.  Luckily my pride is one thing I’m not very attached to, so I continued onward with my pen seeking adventure before this she-spy was even out of sight.  I have a feeling though that if she really knew how exciting of a journey I was about to embark upon, she probably would have stayed and joined my squad.

But alas, I was once again alone with a wall of ink-powered writing utensils.

The ballpoint bonanza was about to begin.  

I continued to examine each package very thoroughly. There was no chance of me subtly opening the box without the next potential buyer or Depot employee noticing that the packaged had been tampered with.  What if they throw out that entire box of pens just because I had opened it without buying?  I understand it’s not food, but still.  You never know how office supply corporations work these days.

I went for it anyway and began to open a 12-pack of R.S.V.P.’s.  A slow and methodical slip of the old finger nail under the adhesive seal should do the trick.

I wish I hadn’t just cut my finger nails this morning.

Success!

Now came time to test the alleged “Medium” point that Pentel labled this device with.  But I needed something to compare it to.  Luckily I always carry around a black R.S.V.P. in the right front pocket of my jeans.  But mine was a “Fine” point, how would they compare?

I scribbled with the new.
I scribbled with the old.
No difference.  That’s odd.  But wait…

What if an employee or another customer walked by and saw me placing my pen back into my pocket as I was sealing up the 12-pack box?  Would they think that I was stealing one measly black ball point pen?  I mean, I was still in my work clothes: a dirt covered hoodie with the t-shirt underneath peeking out from below, paint covered jeans and a rugged, sweat covered hat.  I hadn’t shaved in about a week either (you know how fast I grow facial hair).

I looked homeless.  Like a true HoboDrifter.

I now had my head on a swivel.  The store was like a ghost town, so my chances of being seen were slim.  But that made it all the more frightening.  I quickly stuffed the pen back into my pocket and resealed the 12-pack.

Then I thought to myself.  Do I really need 12 more pens?  They are the better bargain at only $7.99 as opposed to $4.19 for the 5 pack of “Fine” points.  I write quite a bit, and I do tend to lose them.

Just then I threw a curve ball at myself…

“I’ll just get the 5 pack” I mumbled to myself.

Even though there was no discernable difference between how the two types of pens wrote, “Medium” vs. “Fine”, I felt compelled to stick with the “Fine.”  So what if I prefer my lines to be as crisp as possible.  Sue me.

It was at this point I realized I still hadn’t found that one master pen I would use to create magnum opus.  I wanted something sleek, stylish, and comfortable.  Something that really spoke about me as a writer/note taker.  Should it have a cap, or click to retract?  I do love clicking pens.  Does a fat grip or skinny grip fit my hand better?  Should the grip be rubber or stainless steel?  Steel, of course, is more manly; but I like the comfort of a gel grip.  Will ball point suffice for creating masterpieces, or do I need a roller?

I searched and searched, trying to imagine what it would be like sitting at my desk using each instrument to transcribe my thoughts.

Then I just stopped.

I placed the packaged, single pen that happened to be in my hand back on the shelf.  I walked up to the register and paid for my 5-pack of “Fine” point Pentel R.S.V.P. black pens, said goodnight to the cashier and walked out the automatic sliding doors.

I had been up since 6 AM this morning.  It was now 6:43 PM.  That’s over 12 hours of a full work day, multiple meals, and various interactions with other human beings.

Yet I came through my front door, tossed my bag onto my bed and immediately sat down at my computer and began writing about the last 17 minutes spent looking for pens at Office Depot.

Pretty amazing how such small moments of your day can inspire you, huh?  Little areas of your life that you can highlight, focus on, and use to alter your perspective or change your mood.  When you strive to appreciate each and every moment, you begin to realize just how precious every passing second really is.  That’s enjoying the journey.

Keep Drifting