Enjoy The JourneyGet Free Updates

Moving Forward From The Past

Walking Away From The Past

I sat down at the back corner table.

I was in the dining hall of a large hostel in Barcelona.

The place was buzzing with activity as my fellow travelers impatiently waited in line to receive the free plate of spaghetti and bread served every weekday from 6 to 8 PM.

This day was like any other during my adventure abroad.  I had seen the sights, taken in the local culture, and was back to my temporary home base to check in with the outside world.

I opened my laptop to read my email.

That’s when I saw it.

An email from my ex-girlfriend.  I had been communicating with her nearly every day since my departure from the U.S.  Over the previous two months I began to realize how much I cared about her, how much I missed her, and subsequently became overly optimistic that we would get back together when I returned home.

The message I was about to read would quickly dash all hope of such a fairy tale reunion.

Without reading a single word I could tell, solely by the length of this email, that nothing good would come from it.  I began to read anyway.

It started like all well crafted bad-news-letters do: a statement of how much she enjoyed our time together and a short list of everything that was great about our relationship.  It’s a great way to ease the pain before dropping the hammer.

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore when you get home.”

I read the rest of the email, but retained nothing because of the loop playing in my head… I don’t think we should see each other anymore… I don’t think we should see each other anymore… I don’t think we should see each other anymore.

My eyes began to well up as my empty stare gazed into the masses.  It was as if the crowd of activity that once lived all around me – loud, obnoxious, and full of excitement – no longer existed.  I was in a foreign country, thousands of miles away from everyone I loved with no one to confide in.  I used every ounce of my being to refrain from crying uncontrollably in that dining hall.

I have never felt more alone than in that moment.

We don’t always get what we want, but we always experience what we need.

The email was not malicious in any way.  She explained her reasons and I completely understand why she did what she needed to do.  In fact, I deserved all of it.  I was the one who originally broke her heart by uprooting our lives together and taking off on an adventure – alone.

I got what I was seeking: solitude.

The next couple years of my life would be a constant emotional struggle between letting go and holding on to something that didn’t exist anymore.  There was no more us.  And as the brain loves to do, it held on to only the best memories of both her and our relationship.  Nearly all previous accounts I continually thought of were a romanticized version of the truth.

It wasn’t until roughly a year ago that something finally clicked.  Ironically enough, it was another email.

While it’s often fashionable to dwell upon what might have been, what’s usually overlooked is that really and truly, it couldn’t have.  Because, invariably, any romanticized versions of how things “might have been,” are based upon fictionalized versions of the past.  You see, most of the time when people think the present could have been different than it is, it’s because they think the past was different than it was.  Happily, the future can still be anything…
            – The Universe (delivered by TUT.com)

The pain I endured led me down a path of self-exploration.  My experiences traveling and the people I met had unknowingly changed my life.  The lessons gathered from counseling, self-improvement books and seminars, the incessant journaling, and even the writings of this blog finally began to resonate with me.

Life has a way of moving forward regardless of whether you want it to or not.  For the last few years part of me has been waiting to rejoin my amazing group of friends from San Diego and relive the past.  But as time has progressed something interesting has happened.

My goals have become clearer, I’ve met new people and made new friends, and I’ve come alive.  For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m not waiting anymore; I’m living.

I’m not looking for the golden opportunity to move back into a previous lifestyle, I’m not longing for past love interests to reexamine their feelings for me, and I’m done sitting around hoping that something, anything, will happen to me.  I’m taking small steps forward to make things happen for me.

How am I doing this?  The biggest aid has been a concept known as Radical Appreciation.  When we begin to appreciate all we have – our car, home, health, money, relationships – our perspective of life starts to change.  When we stop constantly yearning for greener pastures on the other side of the fence, past regrets evolve into nothing more than lessons learned.

There is no altering the past.  More important is the realization there is no need to when you appreciate the present.

 

Enjoy The Journey

 

How would your life be different if you already loved everything about it?

Photo credit: Gilderic Photography

It's OK to share, I promise...

You Like That

There's plenty more where that came from. Why don't you treat your inbox to a delicious literary delight every once in a while...
Sign up for FREE updates:

Need an excuse to sign up? Click Here

Comments

  1. I randomly decided on a blog post to read, and I’m so glad I chose this one today. It reminds me of a quote on a poster I see every morning: “Living is an everyday business…coming to life is strange and beautiful.” I think I’ll start paying attention to that more :) Thanks for sharing and I hope all is well!

    • Thanks so much for your comment Analise, and I love the quote! (I’m a huge quote fan to begin with, so thanks for adding another to my never ending list).
      Living really is an everyday business, but it’s not always easy to see that… every day.

      I hope you had a great Christmas (or other holiday celebration) and a fantastic New Year!

  2. Howdy I am so happy I found your web site, I really found you by error, while
    I was browsing on Digg for something else, Regardless I
    am here now and would just like to say kudos for
    a remarkable post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also
    love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read it all at the minute
    but I have saved it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be
    back to read a great deal more, Please do keep up the great job.

  3. It’s going to be end of mine day, but before end I am reading this fantastic article to increase my experience.

  4. Thanks for any other informative blog. Where else could I get that type of information written in such an ideal approach?
    I have a challenge that I am just now running
    on, and I have been on the look out for such
    information.

  5. Highly energetic blog, I loved that a lot. Will there
    be a part 2?

  6. My brother recommended I might like this website. He used to
    be totally right. This post actually made my day.

    You can not imagine simply how a lot time I had spent for this info!
    Thank you!

  7. Hello! I could have sworn I’ve visited this blog before but after
    looking at a few of the posts I realized it’s
    new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely pleased I discovered it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!, http://goo.gl/axQle3

  8. Get the most up-to-date and preferred songs video clips and commemorates video lessons in information. Anime – Fantasia is a with the very best web sites to enterprise to when you’re trying to
    find Free of charge Anime Songs Downloads or maybe specifics of your
    selected anime. Movie web sites usually allows you
    to supply the data in those songs files you may have identified so that you can pick up the songs seen in these data files.

  9. Hi there friends, fastidious piece of writing and fastidious arguments commented at this place, I am truly enjoying by these.

  10. For latest news you have to pay a quick visit internet and on world-wide-web I found this site as a
    best web page for most up-to-date updates.

  11. Good day! I could have sworn I’ve been to this
    site before but after going through a few of the articles I realized it’s new to me.
    Regardless, I’m definitely happy I discovered it and I’ll
    be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!

  12. Unquestionably imagine that that you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be
    on the net the simplest thing to be mindful of. I say to you,
    I definitely get irked even as other people think about concerns that they just don’t know about.

    You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and defined
    out the entire thing without having side effect ,
    people can take a signal. Will likely be again to get more.
    Thank you

  13. As everyone who has ever used one of these devices
    knows, the i – Phone screen is one of the distinctive characteristics that set these phones apart from similar mobile
    telecommunications devices. If you go on a contract you will be expected to set up a
    direct debit and this might reduce the choices that you
    have. Having looked at the specific items within the i – Phone 4 deals,
    you will need to make arrangements for a contract.
    It comes in the black color option and the display on this phone is 3.

    Is it going to able enough to stand in-front of i – Phone.

  14. Hi there, You have done a fantastic job. I’ll dfinitely digg itt and personally suggest
    to my friends. I am confident they’ll be benefited from
    this site.

  15. Always go for a web host that provides specialized services.

    Now a day, most of the businesses and people wish to
    get their private domain names and want to receive all
    emails using that particular domain name. And there’s nothing more frustrating than finally getting a techie
    when, in fact, you want to change your credit card number.
    And, just as in the traditional real estate market, doing your homework and conducting a little research
    can result in some terrific deals for you and your web business.

    You need not require being highly qualified software professional in order
    to create and host your website but with a basic knowledge of webpage design you could very easily build
    your own webpage.

  16. Hi. Simply wished to consult a fast dilemma. I am piecing together my very own web site
    and also would choose to recognize where by you were given your current theme?
    Had been it free? As well as was that paid? I can’t seem to locate anything at all as good as this
    blog, and so preferably you are able to i want to understand.
    Thanks. PS, my sorry. British is just not my first words.

  17. However, Hurghada is not only known for diving but for its food as
    well. The southern part of India gives details of each species, drawing
    upon his vast knowledge and interest, thus making jungle safari an adventure tours India enriching experience.
    This has done miracles to preserve the coral formations in thi region and mkes them the best quality dive sites.

  18. We stumbled over here by a different page and thought I may as well check things out.
    I like what I see so i am just following you. Look
    forward to finding out about your web page again.

  19. Hi, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your blog site in Opera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer,
    it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a
    quick heads up! Other then that, fantastic blog!

  20. You are so interesting! I don’t supplose I’ve red through anything
    like that before. So nice to discover somebody with genuine thoughts on this topic.

    Seriously.. many thankjs for starting this up. This website is
    something that is needed on the internet, someone wkth a bit off originality!

  21. 28 oz Delmonte Chunky Diced Zesty Chili Style tomatoes or
    equivalent. The Japanese speaking searchers spent
    43% of their 391 thousand searches looking for specific gluten free foods.
    The author of this GFP article loves fruit and realises that
    this affair was fostered in childhood where his father grew many varieties of fruit trees
    in his home yard.

  22. I’m gone to inform my little brother, that he should also visit this webpage on regular basis to get updated from most up-to-date reports.

  23. are the high quality on-site auto repair services you can schedule by calling a mobile mechanic.
    When I returned to get some feedback, I was surprised
    to hear that the JUJU wash soap was one of his favourites.
    ” This business chases geese away from golf courses, lawns, and parks, using trained dogs that do not harm the geese.

  24. Hi! I’ve been reading your web site for some time now
    and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout
    out from Porter Texas! Just wanted to tell
    you keep up the good work!

  25. The Cheat Your Way Thin program includes video, audio and written material and a support service
    to help you stay committed to losing weight fast.
    The simpler you make things, the easier they will
    be to follow and the more fun you will have.
    Please stop by our website if you enjoyed this article
    by Jeff Schuman.

Trackbacks

  1. […] found myself frequently living in the past.  I battled bouts of depression for just over a year. To a lesser degree I still do to this […]

Speak Your Mind

*